first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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