Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
