i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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