the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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