please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
