What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
