Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
