i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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