your thong is hanging out like whoa
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
