i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
