Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
