Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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