You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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