either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
