i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
