even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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