this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
