why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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