im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
