Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
