If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
