I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
