She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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