We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
