I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
