you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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