he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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