She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
