Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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