I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
