dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
