he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
