It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
