even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
