Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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