You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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