I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
