I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
