is your mom at the bar?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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