She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
