"it" just moved
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
