He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
