she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
