I'm eating all of the evidence.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
