using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
