Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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