Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
