im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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