Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
