just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
