the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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