As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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